The next time you are tempted to say something hurtful to someone just because you’re angry, you might want to stop and remember this story. First let me tell you this hadeeth. Once a man asked the Prophet (pbuh) to give him advice, for which Prophet (pbuh) replied. Don’t get angry. The man asked again twice for which the reply that he received from the prophet(pbuh) was “Don’t get angry”. Similar to the hadith where Prophet(pbuh) said that maximum love and affection is to mother. So one can clearly understand how important is to control our anger.
Now, the story There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.Finally the day came when the boy didn’t lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.
The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, “You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won’t matter how many times you say I’m sorry, the wound is still there.”The little boy then understood how powerful his words were. He looked up at his father and said “I hope you can forgive me father for the holes I put in you.”“Of course I can,” said the father.
Anger is an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage,” according to Charles Spielberger, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in the study of anger. It is accompanied by physiological and biological changes; when you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure go up, as do the levels of your energy hormones: adrenaline and noradrenaline. At the conscious level, there are commonly to be found ideas such as, "She shouldn't have said that to me," or "Who does he think he is ?" or "I can't take anymore of this. Anger can potentially “hijack” the rational thinking part of our brain. This is often the case when a person states, “I just coudnt control myself!”
Many of us are unable to control ourselves and end up arguing with others, often the ones that we love – our parents, our brothers, our sisters, husband or wives. As humans beings, we have our emotions. We react in either positive or negative emotions. Sometimes we may lose our logic and we cannot control our emotions. So what we supposed to do. Prophet(pbuh) ordered us to say:
I seek refuge in God from the accursed evil (a`ûdhû billâhi min ash-shaytân ir rajîm).
In another narration Prophet (pbuh) said the following: Anger is a burning coal. Don't you see your eyebrows wide and eyes reddish? So when one of you feels angry, let him sit down if standing, and lie down if sitting.
The Prophet (pbuh) said : "When one of you gets angry, let him make ablution with water as anger arises out of fire."
Also "Anger comes from the devil and the devil is made of fire."
These are the three Anger Management tips from the Sunnah of Prophet(pbuh) which should be used by us.
Allah says in surah Ashuraa, which is Surah 42 of the Quran, in the 36th and 37th verse: So whatever thing you have been given – it is but [for] enjoyment of the worldly life. But what is with Allah is better and more lasting for those who have believed and upon their Lord rely. And those who avoid the major sins and immoralities, and when they are angry, they forgive.
When you analyse how Allah explains us the importance of not getting angry, you will be more submissive to Him Alone. Firstly, He says that this worldly things are for this life only and think why do we get angry. Is it for the worldly things or some thing else. Definitely it is mostly because of the worldly things. So Allah says what He has for you in the Akhiraah which is firstly better and more lasting. So as a believer in Allah we must place our trust in Him. Further He says.. to avoid the major sins and immoralities and he says to forgive when you are ANGRY. He did not say STAY CALM WHEN YOU ARE ANGRY. He says: FORGIVE. So, remember this when you are about to burst out your rage on your mother, brother, sister or your spouse. As this act of forgiveness that you would do for the sake of Allah. Allah is ready to offer you in the above verse which you would lose.
I would like to end by saying a hadith where Prophet(pbuh) said: He is not strong who throws people down, but he is strong among us who controls himself when he is angry." [Bukhari and Muslim]. So who is strong amonst us………
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Jazak Allahu Khairan for reading.